listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
