I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
