YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
