i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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