i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
