Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
