I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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