i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
