so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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