farters have to be the big spoon...
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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