I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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