FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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