i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize