i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
