I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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