Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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