If you die in college, do you die in real life?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
