I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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