I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
