I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
