WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
