Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
