U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
