I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
