I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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