i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
