Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
