If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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