i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize