everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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