Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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