I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
