I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
