I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
