His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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