You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
