btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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