Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
