my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is Oprah even human
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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