Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
