I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
