I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
