I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FUCK WHALES
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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