why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
