i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
