your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
