so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
