I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
