This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize