my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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