Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
