I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
