The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
