dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
