I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
