Already got asked if we're dating
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
