She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
