I have demons in me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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