Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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