When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
