When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
