Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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