please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
