...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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