She announced her abortion via fbk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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