booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
