accomplished twins. life is a go
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
