Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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