She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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