just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
